OMG I had the worst drunk face that night (and apparently a break out. YUCK!), but this memory will forever live on as one of my most epic moments. Shawnie and I were literally in the middle of a conversation and a fly was flying around our faces, and without looking away from Shawnie I reached out and snatched the fly!
And because say your coordination is fucked when you are drunk… hahaha
I really fucking hate Summer in this god forsaken hell hole.
The only air conditioner in this house is located in the front room. I can not get an air conditioner for my bedroom window because it will make our electric bill too high and I also don’t have a proper plug in within reach of the window. I feel like I am going to throw up. For real. I can’t put my box fan in the window because it just blows in even hotter air. My skin is disgusting right now. I have not had a break out this bad in a really long time. The air is thick and moist. I can’t sleep at night. I can’t get comfortable in the day. There is no lake close enough to ride my bike to. I don’t have friends near by who would want to go swimming with me anyway. Ugh!
I am grinning like a fool right now. I never thought I would be a sap over those three stupid words, but look at me… sitting here… sappin’ out. Everything is just good at the moment. Oh lawd I have become one of ~those~ girls!
What started as a serious relationship conversation with Tristan about not putting all my chickens in one basket too quickly, turned into this.
casey says:How weird would I look with a shit ton of chickens in a basket though?!
tristan says:hahahaha as long as it was fried chicken id say it be more sexy than weird. basket of live chickens not so much.
casey says:I think it would be hilarious to walk into like.. Walmart and have them be like "Miss, you can't bring those in here" and Id be all ".... but thems my peeps!" <--- insert lame easter candy related joke there.
tristan says:love you have no idea how hard im laughing right now
I get into a severely bad mood about once every six months, and it usually ends up lasting for about a week. It is like that because every small frustration in my life just gets put on the back burner and covered over with trying to be optimistic that when it does eventually boil up high enough, I just snap. So when I do, I usually blog about it instead of bothering my friends with it. That has always been how it’s been. So when someone asks me whats wrong now, I give them a vague answer and hope that it will suffice because, in all honesty, I just do not see the point in getting someone directly involved if they don’t absolutely have to be there. It is my own bullshit, and I would much rather just do what I do until the wave of fury recedes and the tide goes back to normal.
So please do not get butthurt when I do not divulge every single detail about what is bothering me when you ask. I will tell you what I want you to know. I will make it known that I am completely fine, just having a small personal crisis, and then you will just have to take it for what it is until I get to feeling better. If you want to know more, just wait for a blog to pop up, because one always does.
At Ryan’s memorial Wednesday night in West Chester, people were invited up to the microphone to say a few words about his life, whatever they were feeling at that moment. I walked to the podium and tried to share memories of my dear friend, but the words were just spinning in my head. What came out were the mumblings of a man trying his best not to cry, and I wasn’t even successful at that. I didn’t break down, because I knew Angie or his family didn’t need to see that, but I also didn’t get to properly convey what Ryan meant to me. I won’t be able to do that here either, but I will try. Here is what I wished I could have told everyone then.
I felt 34-percent funnier when I was with Ryan, but I guess everyone did. He had such a hair trigger laugh reflex. He lived his life wanting to laugh and wanting you to laugh with him. He would cackle really fucking loud, too, and it wasn’t uncommon that he would fall over from it. Sometimes I would fall with him because his spirit was very contagious.
He wasn’t incapable of seriousness, though. Ryan was a great listener. If you were having troubles, he was always someone you could go sit down and talk to. Granted, most of our sitting down was actually standing up playing pool together, but he was always there if you were sad about something. That’s why all this is even harder because right now I really need to talk to him but I can’t.
Ryan also had an enormous capacity to love. His friends and family got a lot, but a lion’s share of that went to his sweet and beautiful Angie. If he wasn’t with her he would be talking about her. More times than not he would smile wide through that filthy ass beard of his and say something along the lines of, “How did I ever luck up and land her?” Well, it sure wasn’t because of the way he smelled that’s for sure. (Dunn despised water and rarely bathed.) It was because he had a pure, open heart, and many other qualities of which I am writing about now.
He was very loyal, too, and sometimes that bit him in the ass. We were filming a bit for number two where someone was going to stand in front of the Stingmore mine as it exploded. After we did the test, nobody wanted to do it except me. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I knew we needed footage. As I was doing my usual pre-stunt ritual of sitting in someone’s car listening to Roger Alan Wade very loudly, Dunn climbed in the backseat. He asked me if I was doing it and I said, “Yeah.” He told me he was going to sit this one out and I said, “That’s fine, buddy, I got it.” We went back to listening to Roger and ten minutes later someone knocked on the window and said it’s time. I got out of the car and Dunn fell in behind me grouchily saying, “Ah hell, I’ll do it with you.” Actually, I don’t know if he said that or anything, but I could tell how he was walking beside me that he was doing it. Bam decided he would as well and we all went in and got our asses shot real good. Whether it was a bit for jackass, a friend in need, or his beloved Angie, Dunn was as loyal as they come.
I’m becoming upset now because this isn’t right, goddamnit. Ryan, I had to go wake up Madison and tell her you were gone. Do you know how hard that was?!! She loved you so much and I know you loved her, so why, buddy? Rocko will never get to know you like she did, nor will my daughter that is coming in October. I cry a lot about that.
Roger wrote a pretty song for you, but you’re not here to listen to it. And I’m hurting!! We all are because we loved you so much and now you’re gone. I know your spirit lives on in me, Angie, Bam and everyone you touched, but that’s pretty tough to see right now through the tears. I’m starting to ramble now, just like I did at the memorial, so I’ll stop. You’ll have to excuse me, I’m just very sad because I lost my brother and my world got about 134-percent less funny. I don’t know what else to say right now, so I will close with I love you, Ryan. I have a lot of emotions swirling, but I want you to know I love you so very much.